Thoughts from the Gas Station

I used to get so frustrated when things didn’t go just the way I thought it should. I was so silly at times, and quite often ridiculous. I would get so angry at people’s bad driving and inconsiderate behavior that it would ruin my day. I thought God and the world were against me. I used to think God looked at me and considered me “His joke”. I imagined Him sneezing me out and going, “Awe, she is kinda spunky, I think I’ll keep her just for a good laugh”. But of course back then, I thought the world revolved around me.

 

 

One day God revealed it to me through my sister. “What’s the big rush? Are you in a hurry? What are you hurrying to get to? Half the fun is getting there!” When we rush through our day thinking of our agenda only, not considering anyone else’s needs and getting frustrated when things don’t go as planned, we forget to look around and see who could need a little brotherly love. So, I asked God to help me see people through His eyes. If we can change our perspective on how we view people, life has a LOT less irritation in it and we realize they are just like us: they make mistakes plus have their own agendas, perspectives and feelings.

 

 

This morning God woke me up at 5. Its not a normal occurrence for me to be up so early (I’m usually up around 7 or 8). I got dressed to go run some errands instead of going to the gym today. I usually go 6 times a week, but having just spent 4 days adventuring through Lincoln City, OR, putting on some miles and climbing MANY steep stairwells, I decided to take my day off today. I’m exhausted from my 10th anniversary weekend beach trip. I needed a day of rest.

 

 
I had to do some grocery shopping but I wanted to run to Bath and Body Works (this is my addiction) first to redeem my free coupon. I pulled the door handle and it was locked. I looked at my watch and it said 9:36 & they don’t open until 10 (**facepalm**). Getting up so early threw me off. So, I decided to go grocery shopping and skip the coupon….since I just did one yesterday. I pulled into the parking lot, went to the back of my jeep and grabbed my shopping bags. I noticed a lone cart in the cart corral. I felt like I was supposed to get it to use as my cart. While walking to get it, a lady came walking past with a purse and a gas can.

 

 

The gas station was at least ½ a mile away so I asked if she wanted a ride. She said, “Wow, most people don’t help out anymore and I’m having a really bad day”. I pulled up to the gas pump, she got out, paid and filled her container. As I drove her back to her car we chatted. She was in her 20s, I think. She had a 3 year old that was thankfully with her mom . She and her “man” were going through a really hard time and not only did the car run out of gas, it had a glitch. She had to jump start it too due to some ongoing car problems. She carried a battery jumper box with her, but it needed to be charged since she used it so much. She was stuck in the turn lane but God cleared out traffic for me to pull up in front of her. It’s usually a pretty busy intersection.

 

 

There was a time that I would’ve been rushing through the whole situation, but then I would have missed out on a blessing. Her comment made me sad but I’m glad God sent me to show her not everyone is like that. I’m glad my favorite store was closed. I wouldn’t have been there to see her walking and she might’ve had to carry that container all the way back to her car and continue to wait for her jumper to charge (it was plugged in at the taco shop). We should be helping each other, not complaining about each other. We should notice each other Instead of seeing through each other. We just might help make someone’s bad day a little less bad if we open our eyes.

 

 

In fact, Jesus said and reiterated that the greatest commandment is to love God and the 2nd is to love others (Matthew 22:37). It’s the very reason He came to earth! To heal the broken; to open up the eyes of the blind; to show love to the unloved. We are to do what Jesus did to the point of laying our lives (wants, needs) down for each other (John 15:13). We are supposed to serve each other. To say, “I really wanted to spend my $20 on lotion (that I have plenty of), but I’ll help you out instead”, “I’m really busy right now and in a hurry, but if you need someone to listen to you, I’ll be the ear that you so desperately desire“, “I just had to come back into the store for the ice I forgot when I was here 5 minutes ago, but yes I want to hear what I can pray for you about”, “I’m not feeling well today, but yes, I’ll be a shoulder for you to cry on”. This is the life we are called to as Christ followers: service.

 

 

I think its funny when people think that being a Christ follower means you have to turn boring. Like you have to give up all things fun and turn into a big fuddy-duddy. That’s religion (and it’s not for me!!), not a relationship with the Creator. Quite the opposite is true if we follow the leading of the Holy Spirit, we are blessed in blessing others. Especially if we do it without complaint of our day being interrupted. It’s actually endless adventure when we let God lead our day. I meet some great people and hear some amazing stories. We’re all in this together. We need to look past our own noses because we very well could be the only Jesus someone gets to see. Maybe they just need a spark of hope. A light shining in this dark world. A little love goes a long way.

 

 

Wake up Bride of Christ (the church)!! Its time to do what we signed up to do when we said yes to the gift of freedom and eternal life. It’s time to love others like Jesus showed us to do. It’s time to show the world what Christians are really about. Let’s take as many people as we can to heaven with us. This is what God is waiting for! Open your eyes and see what God sees. To God be the glory!!

 

 

13 For you, my brothers, were called to freedom; only do not let your freedom become an opportunity for the [e]sinful nature (worldliness, selfishness), but through [f]love serve and seek the best for one another. 14 For the whole Law [concerning human relationships] is fulfilled in one precept, “YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF [that is, you shall have an unselfish concern for others and do things for their benefit].” 15 But if you bite and devour one another [in bickering and strife], watch out that you [along with your entire fellowship] are not consumed by one another. Galatians 5:13-15

Thoughts from the Book of John

One of my pastors offered the worship team a challenge on Ash Wednesday at our monthly meeting. I accepted.
Lent definition according to Dictionary.com:
noun
(in the Christian religion) an annual season offasting and penitence in preparation for Easter,beginning on Ash Wednesday and lasting 40weekdays to Easter, observed by Roman Catholic,Anglican, and certain other churches.

According to Miriam Webster Dictionary:
noun
: a period of 40 days before Easter during which many Christians do not eat certain foods or do certain pleasurable activities as a way of remembering the suffering of Jesus Christ

 

There was a time that I thought the whole Lent thing was just for Catholics (which I am not). I was raised in a Missionary Baptist church, so it “didn’t apply to me”. Catholics I encountered seemed to be all about legalism, technicality, and ritual. The only Catholic service I’d attended was with a friend in high school. It was not positive. The priest read something to us, not Scripture, and there were times to say something back, but only what was written for me to say. The priest said something that I knew was not biblically sound. My friend had to shush me (a few times) and keep me from raising my hand. I was used to being able to speak freely in church. I was even told they discouraged reading the bible yourself. So I had a very negative, judgmental opinion of Catholics.

 

I now realize that if we are in the body of Christ (meaning, we accept His gift of eternal life through the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross and choose to follow Jesus’ example of living to serve), denomination doesn’t matter. Religion is man-made, following Jesus is a lifestyle and relationship with the One and only Creator. There will be people in heaven….not Baptists ; not Catholics; not Lutherans; not “you fill in the blank”s……..people, like you and me. I bet we’ll actually be shocked to see some of them 😉

 

Anyhow, the challenge is to study the book of John for the 40 days of Lent (I’ll attach the reading plan for you later. It’s good even a week or so late). Now, I’ve read the book of John MANY times. In fact, sometimes we do something so often and if we don’t take care to absorb what we are reading, we become complacent. That is the point of this plan, to meditate on it….to chew it well before ingesting…to apply It’s truth…to be doers not just hearers (James 1:22)…..to allow it to impact our lives.

 

This morning’s reading was in John chapter 5. Go read it yourself, but for this post here is a summary of verses 1-9:
Jesus and His disciples head to Jerusalem for a feast, where there is this pool with 5 porches (I imagine you can fit a LOT of sick, blind, lame and broken people in that much space). Sometimes, an angel comes and stirs the water. Whoever gets in first gets healed….but, only one. Jesus approaches a guy that He knows has been suffering a debilitating problem for 38 years (only 4 years less than I’ve been alive) and asks him what, on the surface, seems like a really rude and ridiculous question, “Do you want to be healed?”. The man promptly whines at Jesus, “No one will do it for me by picking me up and putting me in, so I keep missing my chance”. Jesus tells the guy to get up and walk and he’s healed.

 
“Do you want to be healed?”…..seems like one of those “well, duh!” moments doesn’t it? But is it really?

 
Sometimes it’s so much easier to say it’s someone else’s fault for what is happening in our lives; to point a finger and say, “well, if so-and-so had been there for me things would be different“, “if I’d had help, I could actually get somewhere in life”, “if my parents would’ve been better parents, my life would’ve been easier”, “if they hadn’t done this, I wouldn’t have done that”. The list can go on and on. But the time comes when we have to decide to take action or continue wallowing in self-pity (like the rich man in Matthew 19). When God gives us a solution it might not be what we want to hear. Excuses rise in us and the blame game ensues if we aren’t willing to change our perspective and see our part in things.

 

I believe this was the reason it took me so long to quit smoking (cigarette free for 4 ½ years now!!). I actually blamed others for my addiction to tobacco. “If he’d stop making me angry, I would quit“, “If my friends didn’t do it, I wouldn’t crave it” and of course my favorite, “If I wasn’t so stressed out, I would do stop”. The fact is that I loved smoking. I loved the “break” of it….the “reward” system I had set up for myself. Despite my insistence that it was other’s behavior causing my addiction, my real problem was me. Not a one of them stuck a cigarette in my mouth, lit it and kick-started my lungs.

 

I’m so thankful that if we let God grow us into who He intended us to be, He will save us from one of our worst enemies…..ourselves. Like the song “Where would I be without You” by Citizen Way says, “My foolish heart lead to trouble , but I followed anyway. I’d be one big disappointment if You hadn’t rescued me from me”. When we let our hearts deceive us , we can be overcome with doubt and fear and it can keep us from doing what we need to do ourselves.

 

I still get it though, in other parts of my life. Sometimes I allow me to get in my way. With the loss of most of the use of my right hand, I fall into that trap at random and decide I’m not able to do things before I even try. I feel sorry for myself and give up on dreams and goals. For instance, learning archery has been on my “list of things to do in life”……obviously a two-handed sport. Instead of admitting defeat I am going to learn anyway. I had given up hope, but after a long talk with the guy at the sporting goods store, I now see that what seemed impossible is now TOTALLY doable. It’s just going to look different. Same with playing the guitar, too. I’m not giving it up like the surgeon rudely suggested, it’s just gonna look different. I don’t have to play for anyone but God so it can be soft. I can also change the rhythms in my written songs…they don’t have to include finger picking and slap-rhythms. God said to make a joyful noise (Psalm 81)….not achieve perfection. It’s about doing what I can do.

 
“Say hey, hey wake your heart
And break, break, break apart
The walls that keep you from being you
And walk, walk towards the light
And don’t stop ’till you live your life
Like someone died for you
This is the time to try
Step out your life is waiting
And as you fall you’ll find
That you can fly” -Superchick, “This is the time”

Thoughts from the Treadmill

 

My workout time is more like worship time (I call it worship workout/worship yoga). I listen to sermons, my audio bible and worship music (yes, I’m the lady in the gym belting out songs of praise at the top of my huffing, puffing breath; I’m not embarrassed and most people have their headsets on and can’t hear me anyway….I think). I discovered that when I focus on God, the hard things in life become easier; the overwhelming becomes doable; what I think is ridiculous becomes necessary; the unachievable becomes victory.

 
If I take the focus off me and my health struggles, my workout becomes something I look forward to instead of dreading. Especially on the days I really don’t feel good, when I have to force myself to face my dizzy, nauseous, off-kilter days but would rather sleep through it (even though I feel it in sleep). Like I told my sister last night, if I focused on all the negative in my life, I would end up in fetal position in a padded room overcome by despair and hopelessness. But, we could all say that. It’s all about perspective. It’s all about our choice of focus.

 
Today during worship workout I listened to a Joyce Meyer sermon titled “Thoughts and Behavior parts 1&2“ http://joycemeyer.org/BroadcastHome.aspx?video=Thoughts_And_Behavior_-_Part_1

It focuses on self-control. When she hit on one particular point, my flesh arrogantly screamed “boy! I’m glad that’s not my issue anymore”. But, then my morning devotional came to mind, which hit on the same topic. Unfortunately, my reaction was the same both times. Any red flags going up for you, too?

 
I don’t believe in coincidence (I call it God-incidence). Usually when God repeats something in Scripture, it means “Hey!! Pay attention here! Beware and on the lookout.” When I come up against the same warning twice, I’d better keep my eyes peeled (Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour, 1Peter 5:8). I don’t want to be complacent and ride on the waves of former triumphs. It’s so easy to be on auto-pilot and not notice what’s about to side-swipe us when we think a particular battle is won.

 

 

Regrettably , humans have a tendency to contrast our lives with one another. We have this ridiculous urge to keep things “fair”. It’s drilled into our heads from childhood. My mom tried to make things “fair” between my older brother and I (as many parents do) by getting us the same items for birthdays and holidays. The harder she tried, the more guy stuff I got ( like the Atari which I rarely used but my brother loved…..not a gamer). She tried to match her parenting style to be the same for both of us even though we were 2 completely different individuals , for “fairness”. She allowed me to do things because he had done those things, to be “fair”.

 
So where do we get this idea? The bible doesn’t even allude to making sure we are “fair”, yet we try to no avail. “Fair” , in this sense, suggests entitlement; what I deserve; my human right; what’s owed to me; equality. The dictionary doesn’t even define it that way. The enemy is lying to us and we are falling for it. If I compare my life to yours, I could come up with the short stick every time if I don’t know what you went through to get where you are. From the outside your life may be enviable, but the inside might be bleak and desperate. You might look like you’ve got it together, but are crumbling on the inside.

 
I used to wish I could live someone else’s life, even just for the day. Step out of my own sorrow and suffering for a minute. I wanted to sing better, be more graceful, less clumsy, more observant, less ADHD, more in control of my emotions, less out of control, more loved, less……whatever the problem of the day was. I prayed that constantly. “I wish I could just be someone else today. My life is too hard!” I looked around and saw moonbeams and rainbows around many other’s lives. I thought if I could just avoid being me that life would be spectacular.
Then one day God confronted me about it. “It’s so unfair!” I whined as I had many times before, “Why do ‘K’ and ‘J’ get to do that and I can’t? What’s the harm? Why am I not allowed and they are?” He promptly put me in my place. Because you are not them! Have you walked in their shoes? Have you gone through the trials they went through? Have you cried their tears? Have you been overtaken by their fears? Have you lived their life? And as Joyce Meyer reminded me, I’ve asked Him for a lot……do I want it or not? The answer is yes, I do. Well then, I don’t always get to do what others do. What’s good for the goose could be destruction to the gander.

 
Instead of trying to be what I can never be, I need to see myself through my Creator’s eyes. Instead of wishing for the same gifts another has, I need to allow God to develop my gifts. Instead of whining about what I don’t have, I need to praise and thank Him for what I am blessed with (which is A LOT!!). I’m entitled to nothing on this earth. I deserve nothing good. I was made from dust and to it I will return. I can feel sorry for myself, do the bare minimum and ride the shirt tails of His mercy and grace and still get to heaven. But, you get out of life what you put into it. I need to go all in and embrace God’s exclusive plan for me and not be nosy about His plan for others. It’s none of my business. On judgement day He’s not going to ask me to account for someone else’s deeds…..guaranteed.

 
I’m SO grateful about the fact that God is not giving me what’s “fair”. I deserve a long torturous death for some of the things I’ve done in my 42 years. It wasn’t “fair” that Jesus had to die because of my major shortcomings. It wasn’t “fair” that God had to turn His back on His own flesh and blood (even momentarily) to redeem us from the pit we continue to dig and climb out of repetitively. I don’t want God to love me “the same” as He loves others. I want Him to love me uniquely , for who He created me to be not for who He created someone else to be. My life is complicated enough……I don’t need to be jealous of someone else’s battles.

 
Lord, thank you for not leaving me the way I started. And thank you for keeping me on guard for things I get lazy about. Help me to be a vessel that blesses not curses; that loves and doesn’t display a green-eyed monster who wants what others have. Help me to be content in any situation You present me (Philippians 4:12). Help me to walk in Your Light. No log-sawing**, no comparing, just allowing You to change me into who You want me to be.

 
6 For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands.7 For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. 8 So do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord or of me his prisoner. Rather, join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God. 9 He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, 10 but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel. 11 And of this gospel I was appointed a herald and an apostle and a teacher. 12 That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet this is no cause for shame, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until that day. 2 Timothy 1:6-12

 
**log-sawing: pointing out the speck in your brother’s eye when you have a whole tree hanging out of your own (Matthew 7:3)

Thoughts from the Electronics Store

Whenever I make declarations, God calls me out on them. My fleshly nature likes to point at someone who is doing something I consider wrong and declare that “if I was in that situation, I would NEVER do it wrong like them”. It’s what a dear friend of mine and I call “log-sawing”……let me get that twig out of your eye for you, just ignore the 30 foot tree sticking out of my eye (Matthew 7:3-5 & Luke 6:41-42; it’s such a common problem the bible addresses it twice). Boy! I sure can be arrogant and “holier than thou” when I don’t take charge of my own thoughts.

 
A few years ago Hubby was angry and threw his phone against the cabinet which obliterated it. I judged him for it and was angry that we had to waste hundreds of dollars to immediately replace it, when there were other necessities needed. God forbid someone go without a personal cell phone in this day and age. People are so lost without their technology…..and it seems to be getting worse (but that’s a different post for another time).

 
Apparently I was still holding on to this unforgiving thought, which God graciously reminded me of Friday evening when I was called out for my judgment. I’m not making excuses, just giving a reason. This vertigo stuff is still kicking my butt….and trying my patience after 2 months of it. The doctors have yet to figure out the cause of it or my fainting spells. It’s hard to look at technology as much as I need to be looking at it right now. Life seems to revolve around it anymore.

 
I separated from my job in April after an injury last September left me with only partial use of my dominant hand, making it frustratingly difficult and turning me into a snail at my job (yet another unfortunate “log-sawing” event amongst other lessons from above). I couldn’t accomplish my normal tasks anymore in a reasonable amount of time. The end of the day would arrive and I still had half of my daily tasks left. I was panicked, overwhelmed and defeated by nights end. I tried for another 2 weeks before admitting I couldn’t do what I was being asked to do (I hate admitting defeat). So, now, I’m in search of a job.

 
Friday night I was filling out an application after finding out that another place I’d applied to was not something I can physically do. Irritated already, I came to the end of the 45 minute long application and my tablet locked up. So, I smacked the screen with my palm a few times (like this EVER helps!) and my wedding ring (which is slightly too big) flipped around and punctured the screen. I watched it slowly spider-web over the next 30 seconds, my heart sinking as I knew I really needed the tablet for job hunting and a volunteer photography project I was doing on Sunday. I have a laptop ,but when it updated last, somehow it made it have errors on it. So, it doesn’t work correctly anymore and locks up constantly.

 
I called Hubby at work, frantic from my stupidity; interrupting his work day because of my foolishness. Ridiculous! My temporary loss of self-control cost us $200. All for a silly temper tantrum that did NOT make me feel better for even 1 second. I wasted money that was needed on other necessities like I’d blamed him for years ago. Who the heck am I to say “that’s unforgivable, I won’t forgive you for that”? I am reminded of the Lord’s Prayer (Luke 11:4) and how God has forgiven me for some pretty awful things that I deserve to pay dearly for. “Forgive me as I forgive others” is a scary thing to pray when there are things we hold against others. I don’t want to be held to all my mistakes and shortcomings. I would be an outcast by the end of the day if I was made to pay for all my boo boos.

 
I am reminded yet again that I’m a work in progress and am in training for the kingdom to come.

 
Keep changing my heart Lord. I’m ridiculously thankful that You won’t give up on me. Use my mistakes to help others learn the easy way. Let this be a lesson learned so I don’t repeat the same mistake. Help me not to get mad at technology, it does serve a purpose.  

Thoughts from YouTube ™

I know, I’m a big dork…but I have sermon play lists that I run on my television all night as I sleep or sometimes I play my audio bible. Silence wakes me up (thanks mom! Haha! JK….JK), so I have to have sound (Hubby is a trooper for dealing with this).
I want to fill my head with good things and not allow myself to get distracted by my “fleshly” thoughts. If I don’t CHOOSE to focus on what’s “true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, moral and praiseworthy”(Philippians 4:8 HCSB), then there is too much space left over for the enemy to deposit thoughts; thoughts that I tend to gravitate toward naturally, like selfishness and rudeness, pushy-ness and frustration with things that don’t go my way.
Did you ever notice that when you obsess or over-think a situation you get sucked into a terrible or stressed out mood. Then, too often it sets the tone for the day. Or on the flip side, when you aren’t thinking of anything, your mind runs away from you and suddenly you think “Hey! Where did that thought come from?!?! Why would I even think that?” The bible says we CAN take our thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:3-5 HCSB, AMP and MSG are really explanatory too). We might not necessarily choose what pops in our heads, but we certainly don’t have to let them take over.
I like Joyce Meyer a lot. She’s a good teacher for me. So I was listening to her “Choosing to trust God 2016” sermon as I dozed off last night. It’s about Trusting God and Doing Good from Psalm 37 (I like the ESV version of this one). The whole Chapter is relevant and talks about gaining wisdom, which I can ALWAYS use a heavy dose of!
So often I hear people say things like, “Just trust God and He will give you what you need” or “All you can do is trust God”(the latter makes me a little sad…..like He’s our last ditch effort instead of what we reach for first).
But, there’s more to just trusting God. We have a plan of action too. When we do good as well, like verse 3 says, it creates a whole new emotional response. We take the focus off of self (my mind returns to thoughts of me more often than I want it to) and it puts good thoughts in our mind. Can you name a time that you helped someone and felt bad about it? Probably not (I’m not talking about their response or lack of either….I’m talking about how it makes you feel). My usual reaction is giddiness and a feeling of accomplishment. It lifts my spirit and gives me energy.
If I dwell on me and my problems too much, I sink into a pit of depression and lose hope. I don’t want to live my life that way. What a waste of precious time that can’t be returned! I want to look more and more like Jesus every single day no matter how He has to teach me.
My friend “S” put it perfectly the other day, we are here on earth to tell God’s story, not to tell ours. It’s about giving credit where credit is due, like I said in my “Southwesternized Spicy Thai Curry Noodle Soup” post. I want people to think of God when they remember me…….whether they want to or not. Hahaha!

Thoughts from a Cliff

I had an amazing hike today! Gods creativity just astounds me. I love Oregon! It’s the best of all worlds, and it’s moderate temperature year round (and yes….it rains a lot). Even in the city there is a plethora of well kept walking paths. We don’t have that in the desert.
I think hiking the coast is my favorite. You start out in the woods, you climb hills and mountains up and down. Then suddenly you’re dumped out at a cliff overlooking the ocean or onto a beach. It’s mind-boggling to somebody from the desert! The people I went with are wonderful and I’m so blessed to know every one of them.
I overcame one of my fears today. I have a problem walking through tall grass….so I usually bolt through any area that has high grass. There were seven of us on the hike today and I was not in front so that was not an option. At one point I started to panic and wanted to shove everyone out of my way. It was a large meadow with a very small walking path and at first it seemed to go on forever. My heart pounded in my chest; I thought for certain someone would be able to see it in my neck.

When we went back through the second time, it was a little easier and didn’t seem quite as long. I’m so proud of myself for facing that fear because the end result was worth it. If we let our fears take over us we can miss out on a lot of good stuff. And I don’t want to regret not having done something because of fear. God has NOT given us the spirit of fear, but power love and a SOUND MIND (2 Timothy 1:7). We can’t claim a sound mind if we’re freaking out and pushing people out of our way. At that point we we’re just handing ourselves over to the plan of the enemy and I want him to fear ME (Jesus in me) instead.

The whole first year I was here, I spent with God…..just God. While I absolutely adore hanging out with Him, it’s nice to have friends, too. Hubby and I had hung out with his friend from work and his wife (we’ll call her “A”) a few times, but not often. I hopped from church to church knowing that I had not found MY church home yet. I spent all my time working out and waiting for my right hand that was damaged last September to heal. A bone fusion later, I am back in the same place I started. The surgery failed to help my problem.
After I got back from New Mexico (to witness the birth of my fabulous granddaughter), everything changed. I finally found the church I’d been hoping for, and joined the hiking bible study group. I’ve only gotten to go on 2 of the hikes, but each one was an experience in itself. And now I have 4 amazing new friends, including “A” who was right there needing a friend, too.
I got a little bummed yesterday (“A” came to my rescue) when I found out going back to school was not an option right now. I’ve been working on it for the last month-and-a-half and was so excited. It’s nice to have some new girlfriend’s to call on if I need some emotional backup. Not that my husband isn’t good backup for me, but there’s just something about having girlfriends.
So I’m just going to praise the Lord in this and thank him for everything He does for me. He blesses me ridiculously on a daily basis. I’m just spoiled and ungrateful when I complain.
It is good to give thanks to the LORD, to sing praises to your name, O Most High; to declare your steadfast love in the morning, and your faithfulness by night, to the music of the lute and the harp, to the melody of the lyre.
For you, O LORD, have made me glad by your work; at the works of your hands I sing for joy. How great are your works, O LORD! Your thoughts are very deep! The stupid man cannot know; the fool cannot understand this:
that though the wicked sprout like grass and all evildoers flourish, they are doomed to destruction forever; but you, O LORD, are on high forever.

Psalm 92:1-8

Thoughts from a “Tilt-a-whirl”

You know that ride at amusement parks that has the half dome that comes behind you? The seats are usually padded and there’s a wheel so you can spin yourself silly? I feel like I’ve been on one for 2 weeks now. My brain feels like scrambled eggs. Plus in this technological age, it sure is hard to avoid looking at technology, too (which makes it worse). Added to the low BP problem, it physically took me out this week (thank You, Lord for making me feel a little better today).

God won’t ever give us more than we can handle……..but sometimes, it sure feels like it. When we don’t understand what’s going on with our own bodies or when we get stuck in cruddy situations, it can seem overwhelming and never-ending. And it sure came at an inconvenient time……according to me. BUT, I don’t believe in accident or coincidence, so there must be a reason. I might never get to know that reason either. But, to be honest…..God owes me no explanation. So, it’s irrelevant. Once again, it’s not about me.

Now, I can give in to the frustration and throw myself an enormous pity party OR I can keep trusting my Creator regardless of my feelings. It’s my choice. My feelings don’t have to dictate my actions. I can’t control getting those feelings, but I don’t have to be their slave. The bible tells me so in Galatians 5:22-25 (NLT):
    But, the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. There is no law against these things. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to His cross and crucified them there. Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in EVERY part of our lives.

I’m not a huge fan of comparing myself to others, due to the fact that we are not the same, but things could definitely be worse. My little brother’s childhood friend’s mom was in a horrific accident on Tuesday; broken and fused neck, mangled arm, leg broken into 3 pieces, and that’s just the stuff they had to do emergency surgery on. The list of the damage took my sister 10 minutes to repeat. (Prayers for “K” and the dump truck driver she collided with, please!) Neither one remembered the accident.

I don’t want to be a complainer. Thats what the Israelites did. They were stuck in the wilderness for 40 years and it hindered their prayers. I’ve spent more than my allotted time in “the wilderness ” in past lessons from God. I want to conquer what He puts in front of me, not sink under the weight of it. But, my flesh sucks! I can’t do anything on my own power (not even breathe and that’s a basic function). My strength is like an overcooked spaghetti noodle; limp and soggy.

But God is good, despite the fact that my feelings sometimes tell me He’s mean and wants me to suffer for the awful things I’ve done in life. That is me letting the enemy lie to me. I love how the Amplified version of John 10:10 says:
     The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came so that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance
(to the full, til it OVERFLOWS).

Until it overflows! We can be so filled with Him that we overflow, even when it feels like we are useless and miserable. But, it’s a choice. Maybe I, like my new friend “P”, can help someone through this in the future like she is helping me (she endured fainting for 6 years and her daughter suffers it too). We might not have connected the way we did otherwise and I am extremely blessed to know her.

God really does know what He’s doing. I just need a need to let go of the reigns and let Him do what He’s doing. We were never promised a pain free life. It’s actually how we learn and grow. So, do what You do Lord. I’m Yours.

Thoughts from the Recliner

So much for my big Blog Relaunch. I came out with a……”ppllbbww” (insert fart sound, I have no idea how to spell it.)

If you followed me previously or read my older posts, you’ll know I’ve been having some random medical problems for over 3 years now and it’s been a rough week.

2 months ago, I was visiting home (New Mexico ) for the birth of my first grandchild  (the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen!! And I’m a creation freak…flowers, butterflies,  rainbows, etc.). I cooked dinner, sat down at the table with my BFF and her hubby, cut my sweet potato up, buttered it……and then passed out in it.  I remember getting my potato ready to eat, this wave of nausea came over me, my head hurt badly, and the next thing I knew BFF had me by the shoulders and was yelling my name, in my face.

The ambulance took me to the hospital where they found no cause other than blood pressure drop. I already know I have lower BP and anemia. They sent me home with iron pills and told me to go to my doctor when I came home. Then last month I nearly passed out again. My mom sent me a BP monitor.

Last Saturday some creep tried to run me off the road and I’m ashamed to say, I couldn’t control my anger (which doesn’t make it ok). I honestly didn’t recognize myself. I won’t relive it here, but he had NO idea I know Jesus. HUGE fail!!!! Not, ok! I haven’t been able to control my emotions since and I’ve been on a BP rollercoaster ride since then.

Unfortunately last night, I found myself curled in a ball, in the hallway, bawling my eyes out and screaming profanity at God.I berated Him for not being there for me at my whim. I demanded He reveal Himself to me right then, like a spoiled brat. I told Him He was obligated due to His promises. Yet….nothing. I cried myself to sleep and woke up crying from a dream about my ferret who died a week after my dad.

I didn’t feel like going to church this morning, but I went due to a promise I made (which landed me there quite early). I wasn’t gonna go back on MY word, like I felt God had. As the battle raged inside of me, one of my bible study leader’s came up to tell me “good morning”.

Now, I’m a bit strange and I have lying issues….I just can’t do it.  So, when someone asks me how I am, I try to say “God is good” if I don’t want to talk about it or don’t think they want to really hear. Americans use that as a greeting, not as a real question. It’s actually kind of sad.

After a I told her what I’ve been going through, my leader introduced me to a new friend who dealt with the same thing for 6 years: anemia, low BP and fainting.

God DID show up; in the perfect way, at the perfect time. I just needed to know I’m not alone on this crazy ride.

 

I’m sorry, Lord. You always know what’s best. I’m a work in progress. I’m so glad You don’t give up on me…..I would. Keep changing me. I’m not where I need to be, but thank You for not leaving me where I started.

“Trust in the Lord with all Your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your path. Be not wise in your own eyes but fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.” Proverbs 3:5-8

Thoughts from Portland Oregon

Yesterday was the 3rd anniversary of the day that changed the entire course of my life. Unfortunately, I’m still marking May 31st as well; our last conversation. ……an angry, heated not so very loving conversation. One day I hope to forget that anniversary exists . I’m a work in progress, God is changing me each and every day..  I still wish I’d listened to my sister and swallowed my pride (see “Thoughts from a House with no Furniture” Sept 2013). I really miss my dad.

If you had asked me 3 years ago where I would be today, my answer NEVER would’ve been Portland Oregon. In fact, I probably would have flipped out at anyone who dared suggest that.

But, I really love this place. It’s amazing!  There is so much to see when you’re a huge fan of creation. So much to explore (talk about owning WAY too many pictures).  The temperature is never horrendous either…..just a little wet.

After my son turned 18, I moved from New Mexico to North Carolina with Hubby who tried unsuccessfully to get a job there so I could be close to my family. My son had been dating an amazing young lady and naturally didn’t want to go with me. So my best friend and I packed my car with all my belongings and drove to the East Coast. I was able to transfer with my job, so there wasnt a large gap in paychecks. God TOTALLY paved the way for it. I loved the people I worked with in NC. They were truly a blessing!  Then 4 months later, Hubby took a job here in Portland (last April) and it’s been one adventure after the next since then. 

They have a saying here “Keep Portland Weird”. They have no choice now that God planted me here. LOL!This relaunch is the beginning of the next adventure.  Browse through my previous blogs to catch up if you want……or join in on the next chapter of God takes Nikki up on her promise (“You lead, I’ll follow” I tattooed it on my foot).

Boy! I missed blogging!

Who I am and Why I’m Back for a Blog Relaunch

Hi,I’m Nikki: photographer, singer, songwriter/poet, worship leader, blogger, beginning -intermediate hiker with a passion for exploring creation (although I have a ridiculous fear of bears, snakes and javelina) and I place high importance on healthy eating and fitness .

I want to leave a legacy that points to God and says “Look what God can accomplish with a willing heart.”  No, I’m not perfect; & no, I don’t have it all figured out, but life is a journey that is meant to be shared.  We were made to love and be loved.  I put that tattoo on my right foot on purpose. It says “You lead, I’ll follow “. Talk about a bold thing to ask God (trust me, I had no idea what I was asking for). It has led me on multiple adventures already.   I share my discoveries and thoughts in hopes that someone can learn from my mistakes or at least get a really good laugh (some of the stuff God has me do is hilarious. He keeps me on my toes).