God has been a busy guy this year……just, in my life alone!
I’m so glad He’s personal. It took me many years to truly understand that. But I get it now……or at least, in all of the last year’s trials, things are finally, really starting to sink in. God IS love. How mind boggling and freeing, it is to completely know that!
As an adolescent, I frequently begged God to show me unconditional love; trying to replace the perceived lack of love from my dad. In my eyes, dad played favorites with us kids (4 of us) and I had made it my life’s mission to finally be good enough for him (yet again, perception). For years, I obsessively searched to find true love here on earth by sleeping with any man who showed me attention. I had no intention of ever getting married or having children. First off, I didn’t want to be responsible for messing someone up. I didn’t believe I could be a good mother. As for a love relationship, I never wanted to commit to someone for fear of being let down by a man. Before Hubby, my longest relationship lasted less than 6 months. I left before “they left” (there’s that darn perception thing again!)
My entire life, dad had made it very clear that men didn’t want to be with fat women. I allowed myself to get into a love/hate relationship with food. I developed eating disorders and battled with the very substance I needed for nourishment. I yoyo-ed up and down the scale from 130-298 lbs. I was always having to replace my wardrobe, sometimes replacing nearly new items.
3 years ago, I joined my friends in a challenge. It is called the Daniel Fast (I have other posts written about this subject. It’s taken out of the book of Daniel). This experience was life changing. It taught me a new respect for my temple. My views on my body have drastically changed from childhood. I know that it’s not about what man’s eyes see, it’s about keeping my body in proper function so I can accomplish everything God needs me to do.
Since August of 2012: I’ve been cigarette free from a 25ish year addiction (I still use the ecig, but I have 2 more steps to go to get off the nicotine completely), I’ve been really watching what I put into my body as far as preservatives and dealing with food intolerance problems I’ve had, I’ve done a lot of research on what is needed for my body. We all have the same basic stuff that goes on with our bodies, but each one of us is also an individual and we have to learn how OUR bodies work .
Last year after my dad died, I had an uncontrollable urge to walk. It’s very therapeutic, actually. Well, when kiddo and I went to New Mexico I kept myself busy in other ways. Hubby suggested that we start walking together while I’m here with him. I was ecstatic! Walking a lot was never his favorite thing to do, so I just did that kind of stuff by myself.
We’ve been hiking the William B. Umstead national park. It’s beautiful. The frogs and birds sing to you the whole time you walk. There are streams to cross and lakes to sit by. I can’t wait to see it in the spring…..all green and fresh.
I’m so glad that God is changing my perspective about a lot of things. I’ve always been fascinated with creation. I’m so thankful for the time I get to spend with God and Hubby!
This is where the healing begins!