Thoughts from a Date I Went on Without My Hubby

IMG_7431No, I’m not cheating on Hubby. Every year, the week of Valentines, my church family hosts a Valentine’s Date night. I decided to attend even though Hubby was working. We watched a video that included marital advice from marriage counselors and some great comedy about family dynamics. Some of the advice really got me thinking.

I know I’m falling off the radar with my blog. I’m still trying to figure out how to use my gift of writing and sharing my testimony along with this new daytime schedule. After a comment my best friend made when she was visiting in November, I had to re-evaluate my priorities yet again. For about a year, I worked Tues-Sat from 6pm-11:30ish (sometimes later). My best friend said, “you realize that you haven’t seen your son for more than 5 minutes for the last 3 days, right? He’s 15, Nik….you can’t do that”.

She was right and he was not emotionally stable at the time (what 15 year old is?). He had just gotten suspended again (2nd time that semester). What I realized was that for nearly a year, he’d been running amok with no structure, no adult to rely on in the evenings, Hubby works nights, and he had no present mom.

Startled by the revelation, I first called Hubby and we decided to let my job go. Then I called my boss to quit my job. My boss (best boss I’ve ever had….and I’ve had a LOT of jobs in my life….and he’ll probably never see this post) didn’t give me a chance to resign. I explained that I could not work nights any longer. He said he’d do what he could to give me as many shifts as possible. After all, I am his favorite waitress (Really! It’s true). For the first 2 weeks I only got a couple shifts per week. I wasn’t making much, but $75-$100 a week is better than $0 a week……and then the plan that God had in store fell into place.

The daytime manager announced that he would be leaving to start a business with his dad and I was asked to take his daytime hours. It’s a bit of a management position (I’m bossy anyway) and I got a small raise and its 5 days a week. The only catch is that I work 1 night shift a month but my son, who works there too, will be scheduled with me on those nights. Fair enough.

I’m not surprised how the timing lined up perfectly. When we step into God’s plan and put our priorities in the order He wants us to, He straightens our path out. Of course, there’s a year worth of damage to fix and it’s not an easy path (my son IS a teenager after all), but God is there carrying us through it.

I am now working only daytime hours and suddenly there are less hours in the day (weird how that works). I used to have the entire day to get my dude’s dinners together, blog, clean/do dishes, play with my ferret AND I had time to watch my morning shows. Now it seems like I don’t have enough time to accomplish what has to be done….I don’t get it!

Ok…that said:

If you’ve read “Thoughts from a Sweat Soaked Pillow”, you know that last summer Hubby wanted a divorce. In trying to be closer to God and be the servant He made me to be, I had gotten so caught up in my music ministry and helping the church with every event and doing miscellaneous tasks, PLUS working 5 nights a week, Hubby and my son fell to the bottom of my priority list.

I hope I’ve learned my lesson on prioritizing; God first, hubby second, Son next, THEN everything else. So here I sit at 11:30 at night blogging while Hubby and Son are tucked snoozily into bed.

There were some great tips the counselors gave on the Date Night video. Some things they pointed out were to make each other a priority when you wake up (greet each other), when going to bed thank each other for things and pray together, love up on each other and go on a date once a week.

Ok, this is fabulous advice……for people who have the same sleeping habits. Hubby and I don’t go to bed together very often and when we do, we certainly don’t wake up at the same time. It took me years to get him to tell me goodnight when he went to bed. All of the sudden he would disappear and I would find him out like a light in bed. He just goes to bed when his body tells him to. There is no pattern.

He is notorious for waking up at 3 or 4 am. In the nearly 11 years we’ve been together, I could probably count on 2 hands how many times we have woken up with each other. It is very rare that we wake at the same time. He doesn’t sleep well at all, which has always been a big problem in our marriage. The best way for me to explain how light of a sleeper he is, is this; He could hear a bug walk across the floor while he’s sleeping and it would wake him up.

So I guess my focus will be on a regular date night. We’re pretty good about being touchy-feely.

There is a group doing a follow-up study for the next 4 weeks. Of course, Hubby is going to be out of town for 2 of the nights so we will do it on our own. I’m excited. It’s our first bible study together. I think it’ll be good.

If you also remember in my “Sweat Soaked Pillow” post, I mentioned the dream about 2012 being my year of change; 2013 is my year of new beginnings. I already see the things God is accomplishing in my marriage amongst many other aspects of my life. I am learning to treat my body better, too. I’m discovering many tasty and healthy recipes 9some of which I’ve posted. Even though some are tagged as Daniel Fast recipes, I am incorporating them into my everyday life. Hubby and my son already have favorites.

I want all aspects of my life to be healthier; emotionally, physically, psychologically. I’m 38 years old and finally starting to figure it all out with the help of the Lord. I can’t wait to see what 2014 brings. I’m just gonna keep relying on the One who knows what He’s doing and focus on this:

                For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and  not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
                                                               Jeremiah 29:11


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