From Nov 2011
As I sit on the doorstep in the garage smoking a cigarette I shouldn’t be having (actually, I’m doing ok quitting. I keep falling off the wagon, but 2 or 3 cigs a day is better than a pack.), a song pops into my head. The song in my head is not a strange occurance in and of itself as I am a singer and usually have songs flowing through my head. The song that’s in my head is not a surprise either. I am on the praise team at church and it’s one of the songs we are singing next Sunday. But for some reason the words are hitting me in a different way today.
It’s gotta be more like falling in love, than something to believe in
More like losing my heart, than giving my alegience
Called up, called out, come take a look at me now
It’s like I’m falling in love
I’ve sung these words a hundred times and know the meaning of them. But for some reason, I really need to ponder them for a few minutes. We are doing the 60:60 experiment at church. Look it up, it’s a really neat idea and it is working tremendously. The idea is to talk to God every 60 seconds for 60 days and see what happens.
Anyhow, as a teenager, I was always searching for love from a man. My dad wasn’t the greatest example of how a man should act to a woman. ( If you ever read this dad…sorry…but it’s true). I remember praying over and over for God to show me what “unconditional love from a man” really was. Shortly thereafter, I got prego with my son. God works in funny ways sometimes.
I fell in and out of “love” continuously. I thought about these men without ceasing. They invaded my thoughts, dreams and actions. I went over scenarios in my head of how I could inundate their thoughts like they were doing to me. Even though it was never the same man for long, no matter what I did I couldn’t stop my thoughts from going to them.
This is what God wants. To saturate our thoughts, dreams, actions….our whole being. He wants us to be thoroughly attracted to Him in every way. To not be able to drag our thoughts away from Him.
I want that. I want to be so in love with Him that I can’t help but giggle at the thought of how much He loves me.
Lord, help me to truly be in love with You.